The definitive -- and updated! -- rankings of Donald Trump's nicknames for his political enemies

We are living in a golden age of political nicknames.President Donald Trump is the Michael Jordan of name-call...

Posted: Apr 3, 2018 1:26 PM
Updated: Apr 3, 2018 1:26 PM

We are living in a golden age of political nicknames.

President Donald Trump is the Michael Jordan of name-calling, seemingly upping the ante of what's possible in the nickname sphere with each passing week.

On Tuesday morning, Trump added another -- "Cheatin' Obama"-- in reference to his immediate predecessor in the White House. It's not clear what exactly where Obama was "cheatin'," but it doesn't matter! It's a nickname! It doesn't have to make sense!

Where does the latest nickname fit in my definitive rankings of Trump's nicknames for his political enemies? Good question! Scroll down.

17. "Weak Laws Border": Lost in his "Cheatin' Obama" attack on Tuesday was the fact that Trump gave an inanimate object a nickname. I reached out to the border to see if it had any comment on being called "weak." I'll update this post if it responds.

16. "Jeff Flakey": I mean, all Trump did was add a "y" to the end of Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake's name. Pretty low on creativity points. Also, I bet Flake never heard his last name made fun of like this before Trump did it.

15. "Dicky Durbin": On the plus side, adding that "y" to the Illinois senator's first name has the effect of infantalizing him, which was clearly Trump's goal. On the other, simply adding a "y" to a guy's first name feels like a bit of a missed opportunity when said guy's name is "Dick Durbin."

14. "Little Adam Schiff": Of all the "little/liddle"-based nicknames, this one, which comes from a February tweet, feels the weakest. Schiff is 5'10". Meh.

13. "Liddle Bob Corker": If "Little Marco" had never existed, this shot at the Tennessee Republican Senator would have ranked higher. But, you can't close Pandora's box. Or put the genie back in the bottle. Or something.

12. "Cheatin' Obama": This feels like a missed opportunity for alliteration for me. Wouldn't "Out There Obama" work better? Or "Oily Obama"? That said, I do like "Cheatin'" Obama better than "Cheating Obama."

11. "Cryin' Chuck Schumer": Every time I hear this one about the Senate Minority Leader, I do laugh. At the same time, Trump has known Schumer for decades -- they are both New Yorkers -- so the bar for greatness is a little higher.

10. "Al Frankenstien": In terms of a junior high school ethos, it's hard to beat this one. Extra points for the misspelling of "Frankenstein."

9. "1 for 38 Kasich": This moniker for the governor of Ohio is deeply, deeply underappreciated. A dig on Kasich's lack of wins during the Republican primary season that takes waaaaay longer to say than "John Kasich"? I'm all in.

8. "Sneaky Dianne": I like it, but I don't love it. It feels derivative of "Crooked Hillary" -- and Sen. Dianne Feinstein deserves better.

7. "Crooked Hillary": This was solid, for sure. For lots of voters, it summed up what they didn't like about Clinton: The perception that she didn't think the rules applied to her. But, I grade this nickname down a bit because there were SO many options available for Trump when it came to Clinton that "Crooked" feels only so-so. Couldn't he have thrown some alliteration in there?

6. "Sloppy Steve": A quality one here about former Trump adviser Steve Bannon -- in his many-layered splendor. Bannon's resistance to shaving and hair cuts doesn't help -- or does help, depending on how you look at it.

5. "Little Marco": There was a time during 2016 that this one was my favorite. While it wasn't strictly accurate -- Rubio is not particularly short -- it stuck because it had the added meaning that the Florida senator was just sort of a minor player. Not a big enough character to hold the national stage. "Little Marco Rubio, the lightweight no show Senator from Florida, is set to be the 'puppet' of the special interest Koch brothers," tweeted Trump in February 2016. "WATCH!" I will!

4. "Pocahontas": Offensive? Absolutely. Hard to forget? Also yes. Trump's nickname for Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren, a Democrat, has its genesis in her claim that she had Native American heritage -- 1/32nd to be exact. The claim became an issue in Warren's 2012 Senate campaign, but she still easily beat incumbent Republican Sen. Scott Brown. If Warren runs in 2020 -- and she is certainly thinking about it -- get ready to hear "Pocahontas" a whole lot more.

3. "Low Energy" Jeb: Like all of Trump's best nicknames, this one had the ring of truth. Jeb(!) was a low-key presence on the campaign trail at a time when people wanted a candidate to take a flamethrower to the nation's capital. That the nickname also doubled as a not-that-subtle shot at Jeb's masculinity and virility was not by accident. That it clearly irritated Bush made it even better (for Trump).

2. "Lyin' Ted": I can't tell if this nickname is really that good or I am simply biased toward it because I heard it so many times during the 2016 Republican primary campaign. What I do know is this nickname very much stuck to the Texas Senator, encapsulating for lots of people what they didn't trust about him. "He holds up the Bible and then he lies," Trump told CNN's Anderson Cooper last year.

1. "Little Rocket Man": Put aside the potential for nuclear annihilation inherent in taunting the unstable dictator of a rogue regime and it's just hard to beat this one. Insulting and fitting all in one.

Mississippi Coronavirus Cases

Data is updated nightly.

Cases: 261167

Reported Deaths: 5713
CountyCasesDeaths
DeSoto17561191
Hinds16687329
Harrison14050202
Rankin11102217
Jackson10729188
Lee9014143
Madison8495168
Jones6607114
Forrest6135122
Lauderdale6067192
Lowndes5490120
Lafayette511794
Lamar499865
Washington4904125
Bolivar4087109
Oktibbeha403581
Panola380981
Pontotoc374757
Monroe3651106
Warren3649103
Union353263
Marshall352069
Neshoba3464154
Pearl River3422105
Leflore3090109
Lincoln304287
Sunflower290373
Hancock288461
Tate279062
Alcorn270754
Pike268180
Itawamba266662
Scott256048
Yazoo253756
Prentiss251153
Copiah247649
Tippah247550
Coahoma245954
Simpson241471
Leake236167
Grenada222471
Marion220273
Covington219072
Adams212370
Wayne208432
Winston205870
George203539
Newton197346
Attala196461
Tishomingo193861
Chickasaw188444
Jasper177838
Holmes171368
Clay164237
Tallahatchie155635
Stone149525
Clarke144762
Calhoun139922
Smith127725
Yalobusha121134
Walthall114037
Greene112929
Noxubee112225
Montgomery111236
Carroll106422
Lawrence105617
Perry104031
Amite100826
Webster95424
Tunica88221
Claiborne87825
Jefferson Davis87727
Benton84823
Humphreys84224
Kemper80020
Quitman7049
Franklin69617
Choctaw62513
Wilkinson59625
Jefferson56520
Sharkey44817
Issaquena1606
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Alabama Coronavirus Cases

Cases: 436087

Reported Deaths: 6486
CountyCasesDeaths
Jefferson63969994
Mobile31211565
Madison27851208
Tuscaloosa21233271
Montgomery19698326
Shelby19093130
Baldwin16981188
Lee13036105
Morgan12526134
Etowah11987179
Calhoun11441206
Marshall10357123
Houston8886158
Limestone827876
Cullman8203108
Elmore8120104
DeKalb7828103
Lauderdale7798103
St. Clair7763125
Talladega6394111
Walker6002177
Jackson594644
Colbert545276
Blount543986
Autauga532761
Coffee456762
Dale406883
Franklin372448
Russell349212
Chilton342873
Covington336068
Escambia330144
Dallas312096
Tallapoosa3120107
Chambers301170
Clarke293336
Pike261131
Marion251558
Lawrence250752
Winston232742
Bibb221248
Geneva208746
Marengo206529
Pickens199031
Hale182742
Barbour179337
Fayette177029
Butler172459
Cherokee164330
Henry158224
Monroe151320
Randolph144336
Washington140127
Clay129146
Crenshaw122944
Macon120937
Cleburne120724
Lamar119721
Lowndes113736
Wilcox106622
Bullock102228
Perry99118
Conecuh96821
Sumter90026
Greene76823
Coosa63215
Choctaw51724
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